Notsville.com

100 percent chance of weather predicted for East Tennessee area

2013-06-18T10:23:56Z

Forecasters are predicting a 100 percent chance of weather in the East Tennessee region today. A weather front is expected to bring weather into the area Tuesday night and into Wednesday morning, according to the National Weather Service. Limited weather in the form of weather is also possible, particularly in the higher and lower and middle elevations, the service said. Meteorologists are also calling for sustained winds between zero and 1,000 miles per hour. "We're going to have some pretty major early summer weather this week," said Knoxville meteorologist Todd Howell. "Right now, with the models that are coming in, my preliminary thinking is a good swath of weather will fall along the I-40 corridor. Our week is definitely going to get off to a weathery start, and there will be a fairly active weather pattern with the next three or four days bringing some form of weather. I'll have more on that later."

Downtown church to attend building demolition workshop hosted by UT

2013-06-16T14:20:14Z

A downtown church seeking to demolish buildings at 710 and 712 Walnut Street announced today that it will be attending a demolition workshop hosted by the University of Tennessee. The workshop, to be held Saturday, June 22, will train the church on how to best destroy historic buildings despite the objections of its neighbors and its neighborhood. "They own these buildings, so they can do whatever we want," said Grant Dickie, UT's vice chancellor for destroying historic buildings. "And what they want is to create five more parking spots. We're going to show them how to do it. And besides, the best way to reach out to your community with the love of Jesus is to give them a nice, metaphorical middle finger." Church parishioner Larry Milsap agreed. "Anyone who has read the Old Testament knows God enjoys knocking down buildings. And He loves not having to walk two whole blocks from the Locust Street Garage to get to church on Sunday. Two blocks is such a long way."

Bonnaroo adds Overwhelming Humidity, Unshowered Barefoot Hippies to 2013 lineup

2013-06-14T12:32:10Z

A day after upwards of 80,000 people arrived in Manchester, Tenn. for the 12th annual Bonnaroo Music Festival, the event's organizers announced they have added a handful of new acts to the bill.

In a message to concertgoers, Bonnaroo revealed that it has booked several surprise guests to the June 13-16 festival experience, including Overwhelming Humidity, Sweltering Heat, and fan favorites, Unshowered Barefoot Hippies.

Overwhelming Humidity is a veteran act of water vapor in the air. The unbearable, muggy mixture is considered one of the originators of the unique as soon as you step outside you start sweating and gasping movement. Overwhelming Humidity is a frequent collaborator with Sweltering Heat; together the two have creating some truly oppressive, insufferable work over the years that has sent many a perspiring concertgoer to the water station.

American artists Unshowered Barefoot Hippies are part of a collective of filthy, sopping, bearded wide-brimmed hat wearers who follow jam bands around like lost puppies without the benefit of footwear.

Fan reaction to the newly announced acts has been overwhelmingly positive.

"This is pretty much amazing," said 23-year-old Teagan Forrest of Knoxville. "I was already so excited to see Grizzly Bear, Wu-Tang Clan, Mumford & Sons and LiL iFFy. Now there's Sweltering Heat and Unshowered Barefoot Hippies? This is probably the greatest thing that has ever happened to me."

"I've been to seven or eight Overwhelming Humidity shows over the years," said Thompson Oaks of Clinton. "Every time I see them it's like being wrapped up in a soaked wet blanket until I can't breathe and almost pass out. It's almost too hard to describe in words. You just have to experience it for yourself."

Other festivalgoers weren't so excited.

"If you've seen Unshowered Barefoot Hippies once, you've seen them," said Devon Cunningham. "But don't get me wrong. Bonnaroo is still going to be amazing. Between Hour Wait for the Porta-Potty, Brawl for a Square Foot of Shade and I Can't Believe I Just Paid $8 for a Slice of Cold Pizza, there are some fantastic acts this year."

Characters from 'Lost' finally get sand out of clothes

2013-06-13T12:41:24Z

Nearly six years after a harrowing escape from an uncharted desert island in the South Pacific, several characters from "Lost" have finally gotten all the sand out of their undergarments. Oceanic flight 815 survivors Kate Austin, Claire Littleton, and James Ford, Kahana science team members Frank Lapidus and Miles Straume, and weird guy who never ages, Richard Alpert, all left the mysterious island in an Ajira Airways plane in late 2007 after defeating a tuft of black smoke that could impersonate dead people. Or something. The half dozen strangers announced today they are finally sand free. "It's been six years since Mary Ann, the Professor and I got off that damn island," said James "Sawyer" Ford in a statement. "I think I finally got the last of the sand out of my underwear. Never again, smoke monster or no smoke monster." This is not the first trouble the characters have run into since their dramatic getaway. All six survivors also received extensive treatment for gingivitis from not having brushed their teeth for several years.

Chattanooga music festival bans 'F*** You!' performer for using profanity

2013-06-11T13:09:51Z

The organizers of Chattanooga's Riverbend Festival were taken off guard after the author of a song entitled "F*** You!" used profanity during his concert performance Saturday. The festival received numerous complaints from attendees who were surprised that music artist Cee Lo Green performed the songs that he performs. "We just couldn't believe it," said festival organizer Barbara Kivac. "Here's a guy whose most popular song has a really offensive swear word right in the title and he had the nerve to use profanity in his performance. We had no idea that he would do that. It was right out of left field." This is not the first time that the Riverbend Festival has been taken aback. In 2005 organizers were astonished that a performance by terrible musician Kid Rock was terrible.

Duck-related violence down following Fountain City Lake cleaning

2013-06-09T12:51:13Z

Violent crime perpetrated by North Knoxville waterfowl saw a dramatic decrease over the weekend after Fountain City Lake was cleaned for the first time in 25 years. Crews removed several tons of waste from the small body of water, including large amounts of algae, petrified feathers and the skeletonized remains of the Big Ears Festival. Authorities said they were shocked at the effect the cleaning has already had on the crime rate. "It's too early to say for sure, but there hasn't been a single murder or robbery committed by a Fountain City duck since Friday," said Knoxville police spokesperson Tinah Miller. "That's unheard of in this town. It's like all this time they were just angry about swimming around in complete filth. Not even Tina Wesson could survive in that water."

Google Glass looks to be Google Plus of eyewear

2013-06-07T12:31:46Z

A head-mounted, wearable computer developed by Google seeks to be the Google Plus of computers worn on the face.

The hands-free, voice-activated device is set to release to the general public sometime in 2014. "Explorer" versions of the computer have been sent out to people who paid $1,500 to test out the product. Google is hopeful that Glass will be at least as successful as its Google Plus social networking site, which shockingly still exists.

"Google Glass is the Google Wave of Google Buzz," said Google Vice President of What Were We Thinking? "Or maybe it's the Google Catalog of Google Answers. Or maybe it's the Google Coupons of Google Voice Search. Or maybe it's the Google Lively of Google Notebook. All I know is, Google Glass is going to really shake things up as far as products that people get excited about but then don't use."

Technology enthusiasts say they can't wait to get the shards in their eyes.

"I'm really in it for the nostalgia factor," said 38-year-old Keith Raxter of Knoxville. "I spent the first three years of elementary school being called four eyes. Now I'll be able to wear a computer on my head so that small children will be able to taunt me with hurtful names again. Maybe my peers will also get involved."

University of Tennessee student Brad Standibur is another Knoxville resident who is passionate about Google Glass.

"I can't wait to pay $1,500 to look like a complete idiot," he said. "I'm probably going to wear these while I ride on my Segway. I'll have to beat the women off with a Bluetooth headset."

Morristown's Cyndi Lazarus said Google Glass is the next step for her as a serial texter.

"I love to text and drive as much as the next person," she said. "Now they're telling me I get to walk and video chat? I am going to be the safest person around with this product on my face. There is no way I'm going to accidentally walk into moving traffic while using this."

Pilot Flying J scandal renewed for second season

2013-06-06T13:13:57Z

The legal drama involving a Knoxville-based chain of truck stops has been renewed for a second season. The 13-episode second season will begin airing next week. The hit series follows Pilot Flying J through a federal investigation by the FBI and IRS. Last season two employees pleaded guilty to conspiracy to commit fraud and the organization was forced to buy a private airplane that couldn't fly. Fans say they are excited for the second season. "Pilot Flying J had a great first season filled with compelling legal drama and psychologically complex characters," said TV critic Angela McAdam. "And there are so many great stories left to be told." Rumors indicate that several of the program's characters may be killed off in the new season by George R. R. Martin.

Tennessee man realizes 'fracking' not euphemism for swear word

2013-06-04T13:20:44Z

A Knoxville man Monday came to the realization that the word "fracking" is not a substitute for a swear word, but rather a technique used to break up rocks by using high pressure liquid. Austin Long, 41, told reporters that he had spent the last several years under the impression that the headlines of many articles about energy policy contained pseudo-swear words. "I told my wife that this article I read about 'fracking' didn't make any sense," Long said. "Then she explained to me that it was a way to get to oil and natural gas, not something to say when I hammer my thumb and the kids are around. My life makes a lot more sense now."

Police rush to the scene of illegal East Knoxville parking job

2013-06-02T17:36:41Z

Knoxville police sped to the scene of an illegally parked automobile early this morning, authorities said. Officers initially responded to a parking call on E. Fifth Avenue at about 12:45 a.m. When they arrived on the scene, police found a menacing car parked against the flow of traffic. Authorities immediately sprang into action by writing a parking ticket. "They came out pens blazing," said Parkridge resident Devon Laesch. "They got here just in time, too. They may never show up when I call about multiple bursts of gunfire, but at least everyone is now parked facing the correct direction." Police spokesperson Tinah Miller said the city's residents are much safer with cars now properly situated. "Gunshots in the same alley multiple nights in a row we can take or leave, but we take parking very seriously," she said.

East Tennessee groups take sides in heated granny-mamaw debate

2013-05-31T12:21:28Z

The debate over whether to refer to a female grandparent as "granny" or "mamaw" in the East Tennessee region has reached a boiling point in recent days as community leaders and influential organizations have taken sides on the divisive issue.

Both the Mothers Against Mamaws and the People Against the Granny State organizations claim their opposing views on the issue have the support of the overwhelming number of East Tennesseans. Both groups are planning local rallies tomorrow.

People Against the Granny State is based in Clinton and supports what it calls a traditional view of grandmother. Saturday's rally in Clinton will take place outside the Anderson County Courthouse, starting at 2 p.m.

"I really believe that we represent the lion's share of folks around here," said the organization's president, Jim Stinett. "We haven't taken a poll or nothing, but we can tell by some of the email and just by being active in town here that we're well over 80 percent in favor of people saying 'mamaw.'"

Supporter Betty Tillman agreed.

"Since the inception of the United States of America, the institution of grandmother has been recognized as one mamaw," she said. "I don't aim to see that change in my lifetime."

Dusty Little, a community organizer for Knoxville-based Mothers Against Mamaws, called those claims "ridiculous."

"We cannot be silent any longer because we have seen how calling a female grandparent 'mamaw' is tearing our great nation apart at the seams," said Little. "The sponsors of this word are dividing the good people of East Tennessee. This is ripping apart communities and schools and churches. This has even become a national issue. We must unify against uttering that word. Do any of us really want to look back on this in 40 years and say we were on the wrong side of history?"

Mothers Against Mamaws will be gathering on Sunday afternoon in downtown Knoxville at Krutch Park. Their rally starts at 5 p.m. Organizers plan to march through downtown holding signs in support of granny.

800-pound gorilla attacks elephant in the room

2013-05-30T07:05:00Z

A Knoxville elephant in the room is in critical but stable condition after she was attacked by an 800-pound gorilla. The metaphorical idiom suffered a broken tusk and several cracked ribs after the overbearing figure of speech acted without regard to the rights of others. Eyewitnesses say the gorilla became enraged by the colloquialism's passive nature. "It growled, 'There's more than one way to skin a cat,' and then began pummeling the poor turn of phrase," said one shell-shocked onlooker. "Where does an 800-pound gorilla sit? Anywhere it wants to, especially on an obvious problem that no one wants to talk about." The gorilla was seen heading East with a skeleton in the closet. Authorities said they are confident they can apprehend the expression before it causes further damage. "This is why we don't mix metaphors," said Knoxville Police Department spokesperson Tinah Miller. "Bad things happen."

East Tennessee man enjoys sanctity of marriage for fourth time

2013-05-28T11:11:11Z

A LaFollette man is looking forward to enjoying the sanctity of marriage for the fourth time in 11 years. Joseph Dunlap, 47, exchanged vows in a small ceremony at Cove Lake State Park on Saturday. He is wedded to Dana, who became his new fiancé just three weeks ago. Dunlap's third soul mate left him a month ago following a combination of irreconcilable differences and a report from a private investigator. "What can I say, I fell in love," said Dunlap. "And then I fell in love again. And then I fell in love again. And then I did it again. I must not have a very low center of gravity." Dunlap maintains that while he has had trouble staying faithful to his previous wives, he is a proponent of family values. "I value family," he said. "I'm hoping to have at least a couple more of them before I turn 50."

Facebook to ban status updates containing phrases 'said no one ever,' 'that awkward moment when'

2013-05-26T13:18:46Z

Facebook announced another round of changes to its news feed this week. The modifications to the feed -- the channel on Facebook's platform where users post and view content -- will include an immediate lifetime ban on status updates that end with the phrase "...said no one ever" or that begin "That awkward moment when..." "For the love of all that is good and holy, those memes have been around since 2010," said Facebook Chief Executive Mark Zuckerberg. "They aren't even remotely clever. Can someone please think of some new clichés already? Do I have to do everything myself?" Other banned content includes statuses that begin as letters to personified objects. "You're writing a status update, not an epistle," said Zuckerberg. "Seriously, all of you make me want to kill myself. And I'm a narcissist."

State gives UT OK to buy, demolish William Blount Mansion

2013-05-23T05:48:07Z

The State Building Commission Monday granted the University of Tennessee approval to purchase and demolish William Blount Mansion as part of the school's plan for building a demolition sciences building. The historic property, located at 200 West Hill Ave. downtown, was the former home of the first and only territorial governor of the Southwest Territory. The mansion was built in 1792. According to Grant Dickie, UT's vice chancellor for destroying historic buildings, that makes the home a prime candidate for demolition. "Some people say a structure built in 1792 should be preserved for historic reasons," he said. "But our opinion has always been that the only good building is one being pummeled by a weighty wrecking ball. In fact, after we build our demolition sciences building, we'll destroy that, too."