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January 29, 2014

Apocalypse to operate on two-hour delay

More than 200 plagues, bowls of wrath, woes, and judgments of the living and the dead in and around East Tennessee are operating on a two hour delay today due to snow, end time officials said. The end of all that is and will be will continue to monitor the weather in case further delays are deemed necessary. "Icy roads, further accumulation of snow and low temperatures pose a serious risk to public health and safety," said the makers of the end of the present age. "We encourage everyone to stay off the roads and to stay indoors until the roads are cleared. Only then will we unleash the locusts, and the hail and fire mingled with blood. In the meantime, be sure to bundle up if you need to be outside."

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