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December 10, 2013

Santa admits watching you while you're sleeping 'a little creepy'

A kindly, arctic-dwelling gift-giver acknowledged today that watching people while they are asleep is kind of weird. The red-suited toymaker reluctantly admitted that his practice of seeing you when you're sleeping and knowing when you're awake isn't the sort of thing well-adjusted people do. "At best, it's an unusual hobby," he said. "At worst, it's downright creepy. But in fairness, there's not much to do at the North Pole. It's practically impossible to get satellite TV and Wi-Fi up here. What else am I supposed to do?" This is not the first time the Christmas season has proven unsettling. In 2011, several people were creeped the hell out after they actually bothered to listen to the words of "Baby, It's Cold Outside."

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