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October 1, 2013

Knoxville I Told You So markets soar following Lane Kiffin firing

Knoxville I Told You So markets rallied Monday after the University of Southern California Trojans surprised investors with the news that head football coach Lane Kiffin had been fired. The Don't Let The Door Hit You Where The Dog Should Have Bit You composite index closed up 21 points, its highest finish since Kiffin departed the University of Tennessee in 2010. The It Couldn't Have Happened To A Nicer Guy industrial average also finished at a record high, up 11.32 points, or .8% for the year. USC announced Kiffin's firing early Sunday morning following the Trojans' 62-41 loss to Arizona State, sending immediate ripples through the What Goes Around Comes Around index. Kiffin was 4-7 in his last 11 games, which itself boosted the Karma 2000 to a 13-year high. Market analysts strongly hinted that the Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Hey Hey Hey Goodbye threshold would reach record highs by the close of gloating Tuesday.

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