March 14, 2013
Man with no arms, legs, head breaks into Y-12
An Oak Ridge facility for processing weapons-grade uranium has been temporarily closed after an activist with no arms, legs or head breached security, officials said Wednesday. The lone torso was able to skirt four perimeter fences at Y-12 National Security Complex before it could be reached by security officers. "First it was an 82-year-old nun breaking in," said Department of Energy spokesperson Jen Tuttle. "Now it's a guy with no limbs or cerebral cortex. Apparently Kim Jong-un could sneak in with a fake moustache and a clown wig." James Lee, a spokesperson for the unnamed torso, said the activist has been arrested and charged with criminal trespassing and vandalism. DOE is investigating the security breach and says it will no longer hire tortoises as security guards.
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