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February 28, 2013

Monopoly iron to front Stone Temple Pilots

Stone Temple Pilots announced this morning that the musical group's new lead singer will be the iron from the board game Monopoly. The news comes just one day after the band fired singer Scott Weiland. The former board game token will join the band effective immediately. "Scott Weiland was addicted to drugs," said the band's new triangular frontman. "I am addicted to removing creases from wrinkled pants with a steady back and forth motion. Stone Temple Pilots is going to have a monopoly on a unique blend of alternative rock, hard rock, psychedelic rock, country music, and jangle pop. And also on smooth fabric." The iron was a staple of the popular Hasbro board game from the 1930s until it was fired earlier this month and replaced by a domestic house cat.

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