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January 13, 2013

Memorial service held for winter

The late season winter was remembered in Knoxville Saturday as a bleak, cold and depressing period whose legacy as a tilt of the Earth's axis would be remembered for years to come. The memorial service at Old Gray Cemetery was attended by hundreds of people, including Knoxville Mayor Madeline Rogero, Knox County Mayor Tim Burchett and several people in shorts. "I always liked winter," one griever told reporters. "Sledding and skiing were nice things to do. But at least she's in a warmer place. And what a pretty day for a funeral. If it were winter, winter's funeral would have been really cold." Others had less kind things to say about the controversial month. "Sure, it's 70 degrees in January," said one cynical spoilsport. "It feels great now, but just wait until the wildfires and crop failure and mosquitoes." Winter is survived by her three sisters, spring, summer, and autumn, and by her uncle, former Vice President Al Gore.

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