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December 14, 2012

Knoxville firm's weight gain up 15 percent on holiday cookie hikes

Marble City Security Associates reported a 15 percent increase in weight gain so far for the month of December as its employees have gone back to bringing in holiday-themed baked goods for the Christmas season. The company also boosted its full-year waistline profit outlook.

Like many office environments, the East Tennessee based Internet security monitoring company has seen its waistlines rebound as employees have become more comfortable bringing in red and silver tins of cookies, fudge and candy to share with those in nearby cubicles.

"The waistline economy is recovering nicely," said the company's president Dana Kilgore. "We had a slight post-Thanksgiving slump, which tends to happen every year. A person looks in the mirror after consuming an entire pumpkin pie on his own and decides to go on a diet. But after a couple of weeks the pull of chocolate covered pretzels and Trader Joe's Candy Cane Joe-Joe's next to the coffee in the break room is too much to resist."

The business, based near downtown Knoxville, said it has collectively gained 160 pounds, or four pounds per employee, in the two-week period since December began. That compares with 136 pounds, or 3.4 pounds per employee, in the same period one year ago.

Belt loosening for the company also rose one notch. Analysts were pleased with the outcome, as no belt loosening was expected. Top-performing categories included Terie's peppermint brownies, Maggie's chocolate peanut butter fudge cookies and Kyle's top secret recipe for eggnog. Elevator usage has also increased, a key indicator of the health of the security firm's declining health.

"As we look out over the next several months, the dietary challenges in the U.S. and abroad have increased office junk food consumption uncertainty," Kilgore said. "In this environment, we have every hope that we will continue to be a veritable beached whale well into the first quarter of the coming year."

Marble City Security Associates also operates two satellite locations of plates of confectionaries and baked goods in the greater East Tennessee market.

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