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December 30, 2012

Fans of complaining eager for State Street escalator closure

Knoxvillians who take pleasure in complaining about downtown say they are excited about no longer having an escalator on State Street. The escalator will shut down for good on Jan. 2, giving East Tennessee crybabies plenty to find fault with in the coming year. "Normally I enjoy whining about how downtown Knoxville doesn't have enough parking," said nitpicking aficionado Cora Melby. "Now I can complain about that at the same time I whine about this project that will add 240 parking spaces. Refusing to be pleased is so much fun." Construction is expected to end in June, giving East Tennesseans ample time to grumble. "This is fantastic," said moaning enthusiast Ian Shelburne. "There are so many angles. I can complain about the $6.1 million cost. I can gripe about having to walk a little further. I can grumble about the construction. And, of course, I'll complain about the dangerous homeless people. That one never gets old."

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