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November 15, 2012

White House responds to Tennessee secession petition by laughing for 45 minutes

A petition on the White House website asking the Obama administration to grant Tennessee the right to secede from the union was met by 45 minutes of uncontrollable laughter. Tennessee is one of 50 states that have asked to withdraw from the federal government following the reelection of President Barack Obama. "Oh, it hurts, make it stop," said White House Press Secretary Jay Carney with tears streaming down his cheeks. "Tennessee gets $1.30 from the federal government for every $1 it pays in taxes. The state can't even make budget now. Just wait until Oak Ridge and TVA and the Great Smoky Mountains are gone. I guess the Vols would have a better shot at a national championship though." This is not the first time Tennessee has not gotten its way. In March the Volunteer State threw its peas on the floor when Gov. Bill Haslam refused to let it watch a second episode of "Dinosaur Train."

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