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November 6, 2012

God endorses 91-year-old Oak Ridge woman for president

In a surprise announcement, the omnipotent Creator of the Heavens and the Earth said today that He is endorsing 91-year-old Oak Ridge resident Mildred Cooper for president. The Lord of Hosts, a political independent in his infinitieth term as Supreme Ruler of the Universe, has been sharply critical of both President Barack Obama and Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney, saying that both men are complete fools. Writing in an editorial published in "The New York Times" this morning, the Lord of Hosts said that Mildred Cooper "represents the future, not the past." "The election of Mildred Cooper is a matter of great urgency," said the Ancient of Days. "I am in complete agreement with her policy directions. She possesses a keen insight that is both pragmatic and courageous. And she still makes her own cornbread from scratch. That's no poke in the eye with a sharp stick, America."

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