November 9, 2012
Election-fatigued nation ready to get back to keeping up with Honey Boo Boo, Kardashians
Election-weary citizens of the United States announced today that they are eager to get back to thinking about important things like what the Kardashians are up to and what flavor of Mountain Dew Honey Boo Boo will be having for lunch today.
In the wake of an intense 48 months of election campaigning, the nation's weary soul made known that it is ready to focus on the things in life that matter: celebrity gossip and network television.
"I'm so glad this election stuff is over," said exhausted recipient of 30 second political spots Jessica Bell. "For nearly four years all we've heard about is the economy this and the national debt that and health care the other. Boring boring boring. I'm tired of speculation about whether Paul Ryan can bench press Joe Biden's collection of train sets or whether 18-24 year old men are more likely to vote for Michelle Obama's organic vegetable garden. Just give me some good old fashioned bad parenting on national television."
Following Tuesday's election, the bombarded nation said that it's time to put elections in the past, at least until 2016 presidential campaigning begins next week.
"Human beings are only capable of so much caring about policy issues," said University of Tennessee political science professor Samantha Welch. "There's a threshold for how long we can take it. It's about 45 seconds. After that we need to focus on important things like how Snooki is doing as a parent and secretly wondering if Dr. Dre is ever going to release his 'Detox' album."
American expat Brandon Baker echoed those sentiments.
"Some people move to Canada because their candidate lost," he said. "I moved to get away from the Romney and Obama campaigns. I actually don't even know who won the election yet. Don't really care to be honest. You know what I do care about? Hating 'Star Wars 7.' And also Justin Bieber's biceps. Paul Ryan could have learned a thing or two from those massive guns."
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