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November 11, 2012

Earthquake unable to improve Vols' defense

A 4.3-magnitude earthquake that was felt in Knoxville Saturday afternoon failed to improve the Tennessee football team's defensive line. The quake that struck eight miles west of Whitesburg, Ky. proved incapable of helping the Vols (4-6, 0-6 SEC) overcome Missouri in four overtimes. "The earthquake was a last ditch effort," said Tennessee head football coach Derek Dooly. "We were sort of hoping the tremors would trigger some radioactive materials in Oak Ridge that would give the defensive line super powers. Maybe a few players could have been bitten by radioactive linebackers. Yeah, that didn't work. We're getting more desperate than Donald Trump's hairpiece." This is not the first time the Vols have failed to use a disaster to their advantage. In 2011 the team was unable to convert Charlie Sheen's public meltdown into a winning season.

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