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November 29, 2012

Dolly Parton denies Vols coaching rumors

Appearing on ESPN's "Mike and Mike" show today, Sevierville-born songstress Dolly Parton denied rumors that she has been offered a position as the next head football coach at the University of Tennessee. Tennessee athletic spokesman Jimmy Stanton said today that good gosh almighty, it's only been 11 days, can you people take a nap or go make some biscuits or think about something besides football for five minutes, we'll figure this out soon enough. Parton confirmed Stanton's statement. "Shoot, honey, I'm just trying to focus on the job I have and on wearing my high heels," she told ESPN viewers. Stanton also denied rumors that Lane Kiffin will be returning to coach the Vols, saying that Tennessee fans would rather listen to Gilbert Gottfried narrate all five "Twilight" movies while being kicked in the head with a logging boot.

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