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November 16, 2012

Bigfoot spotted at Pigeon Forge outlet mall

Just hours before Knox County Mayor Tim Burchett had planned to announce an event called "Knox County Bigfoot Day," a group of shoppers say they encountered the elusive sasquatch in the fur at a Pigeon Forge factory outlet store.

Two vacationing shoppers told authorities they were terrified when they saw the elusive, ape-like creature coming out of a clothing store with several bags of merchandise.

"I spotted it from across the parking lot," said veteran shopper Trinity Cobb. "At first I thought it was a deer. But then it stood up and looked right at me. Then it started telling me how great the deals were and how this was great practice for Black Friday. I think he had had a couple of caramel lattes too many. I ran straight to my car. I left my Ann Taylor bags right on the sidewalk."

For local bigfoot hunter and "Finding Bigfoot" fan John Coblentz, this sighting seems to be a legitimate one.

"First of all, they got some grainy footage on their cell phones, so that indicates this is a real sighting," he said. "All the real sightings have terrible footage. Secondly, sasquatches are notorious for being thrifty. A lot of these creatures are seen at flea markets and garage sales. I guess it's hard to hold down a job when you're eight feet tall, weigh 500 pounds and are covered in dark reddish-brown hair."

The cast of "Finding Bigfoot" rushed to the scene to interview witnesses and to stock up on their favorite brand name designer fashions at the best advertized prices. The crew plans to scout out several Black Friday sales in the East Tennessee area in hopes of finally catching the mysterious biped. Black Friday shoppers are urged to use precaution if they do encounter the beast next week, as it could totally eat you and your iPad 4 for second breakfast.

The mayor and "Finding Bigfoot" cast are still scheduled to meet with the public at 5-7 p.m. today at Powell Auction house on Pleasant Ridge Road. The free event will feature a bounce house, face painting and a marching band, but no grainy photo booth.

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