Baseball apparently still a thing

It appears that a sport played between two teams of nine athletes in which the players try to strike a thrown ball with a bat and then run around a series of bases to "score a run" is still a thing that people do.

According to sources close to the sport that seemingly still exists, every year 30 professional teams in an entity called Major League Baseball each play 162 games annually from April until October.

"It's hard to believe, but baseball really does still exist," said cultural anthropologist Jim Percy. "A lot of people still sit in the stands and sing a song about Cracker Jacks while they wait on something to happen. I think they call it a thinking man's game because everyone is thinking about somewhere they'd rather be."

Percy says that players on the batting team take turns trying to hit the ball at the players of the fielding team. If a player successfully hits the ball, he tries to touch a series of four bases arranged in a diamond. A player scores if he can touch all four bases without "getting out." Teams alternate between batting and fielding nine times over the course of a game.

Percy says that this process can take hours and is really boring. He believes the game is still chugging along to give people something to do when soccer isn't on and until football season can start back up again.

Reactions to the continued existence of the sport have been mixed.

"I didn't realize that it was even still around," confessed sports enthusiast Greg Haley. "I thought people stopped playing it back around the time that cell phones and laptops came out. That's really weird. I'm not sure how I feel about it, to tell you the truth."

"Baseball," added not baseball fan Maddy Swanson. "Huh? Isn't that that game where people stand around wearing huge mittens and wait all day for some guy to hit a ball with a big stick? People are really still into that? I thought everyone watched football and 'Honey Boo Boo' now."