July 12, 2012
Rising temperatures will bring more church sign puns, scientists say
Climate scientists at Oak Ridge National Laboratory warn that rising global temperatures will increase the risk of church sign word play over the next four decades. Even if carbon emissions that increase global warming were to decrease, many parts of East Tennessee could still face a greater risk of intense signage humor. "Climate change has altered the odds of some of these events occurring," said climate scientist Jim Starritt. "Sure, we've always had the occasional 'Satan called. He wants his weather back.' But our computer simulations calculate a tremendous increase of gems like 'we are souler powered' and 'our church is prayer conditioned.' We predict steady increases of 'exposure to the Son will prevent burning later.'" "Admittedly 'no it is not hotter than Hell' and 'it's not the heat, it's the brimstone' are kind of clever," said climate scientist Hannah Winstrom. "But ultimately I think these trends are a cause for concern. I just hope it's not too late to turn things around."
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