Next-door neighbor finally runs out of fireworks

Nearly two weeks after the United States celebrated the signing of the Declaration of Independence by setting off explosives and eating red meat, one South Knoxville man has finally exhausted his collection of fireworks. William Lowry, 25, depleted his small arsenal of rockets, firecrackers and small missiles at 3:30 a.m. this morning near his next-door neighbor's bedroom window. "It's really too bad," said neighbor Sandra Mills. "I was looking forward to hearing explosions at two in the morning for the twelfth night in a row. I guess I'll have to sleep instead. It really kind of sucks." Neighbor Marcus Emmert agreed. "Why wouldn't you cause loud detonations outside the home of your neighbor who has a four-year-old? Kids love being awakened from a sound sleep by loud noises. Every night. What kind of jerk wouldn't share that?"